How To Help Those Struggling With Pornography
For Ecclesiastical Leaders who are looking for more help and resources for Young Single Adult Men, and Adult Men who struggle with pornography and sexual misbehaviors.
If you have someone you care about who is struggling with pornography and you’d like to learn more ways to help, then read on! I have some great ideas to help you.
HAVE YOU WONDERED WHY THESE GOOD MEN KEEP STRUGGLING?
I firmly believe the reason these good men struggle is because they have something magnificent to offer the world. Something big knows their potential and wants to stop them in their tracks.
One of the greatest things I get to witness is the flipping of the switch for men. To see the light return to their eyes and they’re are able to shake off the chains they thought they would carry forever.
I’ve worked with thousands of men young and old and it is my mission in life to help as many as I can. I am not a stranger to the deep, dark pain they feel AND I also know the hope and light as we go through it.
I want to quickly introduce myself. I am Ben H. Smith, the owner of Taylor Lyman Coaching, Counseling, Consulting. My crusade in life is to help as many men who struggle with pornography and sexual misbehaviors as possible!
Having worked with thousands of guys to overcome their struggles I feel strongly that there are simple, yet effective and powerful ways to help those you care about in their fight for freedom from pornography. I am passionate about teaching these ways to others.
How To Help Those Struggling With Pornography
What should I do when I discover a member of my congregation has a morality issue?
Read Armed with Righteousness by Steven Cramer. Learn how a person has to think and feel to overcome this addiction. Your insights into the strategies of the enemy and the Lord’s weapons can make a big difference for us all. Assure the person you are on their team; you and him against the problem and the enemy. It’s okay for you to feel sad that another member of your congregation has been wounded and it’s also okay to be renewed in your ferocious determination to fight alongside him. Many men withhold/misrepresent most of the details. It’s very scary to confess. As he feels more aligned with you, over time, he will tell you more of the truth. After calling upon God for inspiration, set some basic daily goals with him to determine the severity of the behavior/addiction. Is he just starting? Has it been a problem for an extended period of time? Or has he engaged in more frequent and intense behaviors than pornography? You might want to follow up with him in a week or so.
How do I know when to refer someone to get help?
When the problem gets to be a chronic and consuming event for a man, he really needs to see a professional to get the tools needed and the problem under control. The simplest way to understand this is if he can’t keep promises, even to himself. You can determine the severity by monitoring his frequency of sexual misbehavior. I refer to these as “wounded experiences”.
When you get to a point where you’re not sure how to help further, you may want to say something like, “We have now reached my level of expertise in helping you with this. I know someone who is very good at training people to overcome this struggle. His name is Ben Smith and his practice is called Taylor Lyman, LLC. Let’s just see what it’s about, sound good?”
What can I do to help a man overcome sexual addiction or misbehavior?
Read Armed with Righteousness by Steven Cramer. Use the following steps to help you when meeting with him:
1: Keep a pulse on his behavior and ask about what successes he’s had in fighting. Many men come prepared to be secretive and/or defensive because of his negative behaviors. Ask him, “How have you been successful this last week with winning?”
2: Build confidence and strength in him by reminding him why he is such a big target for Satan. Affirm his willingness to fight thus far and his courage coming to you for help. You could ask, “Why do you think Satan works so hard on you?”
3: Discern through verbal and non-verbal cues and intervene: If you notice he seems closed-off when meeting with you instead of being excited about his progress, be sure to shift to an attitude of compassion and empathy.
4: Fight alongside him: Remind yourself that Satan will do anything to make sure there is a barrier between you and him. Do anything you can to ensure the opposite. You could tell him, “When Satan is messing with you, let’s fight him together, will you let me be on your team?” Ask him to teach you about PWR UPS and complete your own each week for yourself. *(This is really powerful!) He should be able to share with you how it works, how it is used to track goals and progress, and how it can increase his spiritual power of discernment.
5: Establish an alliance, track his patterns, and determine the severity. If he knows you are there to fight alongside him and you are truly aligned, it will help you discover the behavioral patterns. “When was the last time?” “How often has been happening?” “When was the last time you won the battle?” “What happens the day before or a few hours before?”
If you feel he will follow through, have him call or text me to schedule a 20-minute complimentary session with me, which can be done in-person or online. 615-456-2242
You could say something like, “Let’s also meet every other week so you can help me understand what you’re learning and how you’ve progressed.”
How can I help support family members who may be struggling as a result of a man’s choices? (wife, etc.)
It is so important to understand that the wives of these amazing men need a tremendous amount of support. We value the healing of women. I have a network of specialized therapists who work with spouses. I’m happy to give you their contact info. Just send me a text or call 615-456-2242.
What do I say to a man when I feel he could use training in a recovery group?
You could invite him to book a free 20-minute session with me so he can be better informed of how it will help him and the people he loves.
